Dealing with Anger in Your Marriage

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27

At some point, everyone gets angry at their spouse. It could be over something minor like leaving the cap off of the toothpaste, or something on a larger scale like disrespecting you in front of other people. The anger itself is not a sin...it's what you then do with it and how you respond to it that can potentially be classified as sin.

How are you dealing with your anger in your marriage?

There are different ways that people typically deal with anger. Many people internalize their feelings of anger. In trying to avoid dealing with it, unforgiveness and bitterness take root, gradually poisoning their marriage. Turning it inward doesn't deal with the anger; instead it's allowed to build up over time.

You can't control what you've done in the past, but you can control what you do now and in the future

Others externalize it. They turn their anger outward, towards their spouse, kids, or anyone else who gets in their line of fire. They let their feelings lead them to hurt others, either verbally or physically. Many of these people profess that they just "couldn't control themselves." This is a person that's controlled by their emotions, instead of being in control of their emotions. These people will continue to physically or verbally abuse their spouses or kids as long as they can get away with it.

Now, take that same "out of control" person and put them up next to a 300 pound linebacker. Do you think they would control themselves enough to keep from slapping that linebacker around? Oh yeah, because they know they couldn't get away with that...not without some pretty hefty consequences.

We should never let our feelings of anger cause us to get "out of control."

So what are some ways to deal with anger in marriage?

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

1) Admit to yourself and God that you are angry. There's no reason for denying it. Plus, as you get it out in the open, you'll be better prepared to deal with it.

2) Don't yield to your feelings. If you think you may say or do something that you'll regret, walk away from the situation until you have control over your emotions. Take a deep breath to bring your physical reactions to anger under control. Realize that YOU are totally responsible for your own actions.

3) Whether the wrong committed against you was real or perceived, intentional or accidental, bring the offense to God and forgive your spouse. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you. As you get in the habit of actually forgiving your spouse, your anger will lead you into sin less often.

4) Don't give the devil a foothold by dwelling on the offense. If you've forgiven your husband or wife, quit replaying the situation over in your mind. Otherwise, not only will you cause those angry feelings to come back, but you will give the devil the opportunity to add fuel to the fire by telling you how evil your spouse is. This will only serve to send you back to square one, negating any progress you've made.

If you've let your anger lead you into sin in the past, ask God to forgive you and let it go. You can't control what you've done in the past, but you can control what you do now and in the future. Start preparing now for the next time you get angry, because the time will come again when you'll need to deal with it. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you control yourself and diffuse the anger without sinning. And remember Luke 1:37 "For nothing is impossible with God."

David Peairs is the author of the new eBook 7 Keys to Unlocking Success in Your Marriage.

www.marriagesuccesskeys.com

COWBOYING UP

One of my favorite movies is Lonesome Dove. In one scene, Gus has been shot in his leg and gangrene set in. The doctor wants to amputate the leg or he’s going to die. His best friend pleads with him to let the doc cut off the leg. Gus pulls a gun on ‘em both, and refuses to let anyone touch the leg. And sure enough, he dies. Because he wasn’t willing to deal with the infection, his whole body dies.

"And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell." - Mark 9:45

Jesus speaks of cutting off our feet if they cause us to sin. He doesn’t mean literally – He is speaking of radical spiritual surgery. Maybe He is referring to feet that tend to run to activities that are not becoming of what God desires. Or it could be feet that tend to run from responsibility, like a father who deserts the home and the family, or an employee who runs from assigned duties. We don’t know exactly what He’s talking about, but He is very clear that this is a serious concern about sin in a person’s life. What Jesus is doing is using an analogy that sometimes a limb may become so infected that gangrene sets in and unless that limb is amputated, the whole body is going to die. And sometimes a sin is so dangerous that it fatally infects our souls. Just like Gus's leg, that sin must be removed or we face the danger of death.

For some, it’s time to let the Great Physician perform radical spiritual surgery in an area that’s seriously infected by sin.

Do it today – before it’s too late - and you die.

KNOWING CHRIST

"I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the Lord ; and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with their whole heart" - Jeremiah 24:7

God's Word makes it clear -- the goal of life is knowing Christ. Now think what knowing Christdoesn't mean. It doesn't mean knowing about Him.

I love to read biographies, especially of presidents. At the end of a great biography you feel like you know the person. Yet I've never met a president; I know a lot about them, but I've never known one personally. Most people know a lot about Jesus but that doesn't mean they know Him personally. So how can you know Him personally?

1. God's Word. Through His Word you can know Him. But scripture without faith is just knowing about Him.

2. Have faith. That's key to believing what Scripture says is true.

3. Pray. Talking and listening to God allows you to know Him.

4. Attend a Christ-centered church. This helps you know Him through worship, fellowship, and ministry.

When it comes to Jesus, do you know Him or just know about Him? Really knowing Him makes all the difference.

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him John 7:38

Salvation, Lost and Found

The very question as to whether a believer can lose his or her salvation has divided Christians for years?

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

Romans 10:10

Some churches doctrine does not believe salvation can be lost. In other words, there are no conditions. Once saved, always saved! In fact, members hold hard and fast to John 10:28-30, which reads, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."

While we need to be careful not to judge, is that someone who hasn’t changed their lifestyle may not have experienced salvation to begin with. After all, it was Jesus himself who said, "By their fruit you will recognize them." Matthew 7:20

Some other denominations, eternal security doesn’t make sense. There’s no way someone can get into heaven without changing the way he or she lives. Salvation and repentance go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. Some believe carelessness can lead to apathy, apathy to neglect, and neglect to a conscious decision to sin. We often refer to this spiritual decline as backsliding. Belief, is who backslides is in danger of losing his salvation if the individual persists in rejecting the Spirit's call to repentance and restoration.

Luke 8:13 states that believers can lose their salvation. It says some "believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away." Revelation 22:19 says "If anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life, and in the holy city."

I ask the question? "What does it matter, if you live your life in a way that is believing in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and pleasing to God, then you never have to worry about it."

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Continue in faith and grow in sanctification and holiness day by day.

LOVE IS

Dr. Michael DeBakey, the famous heart surgeon, once received a letter from an 11-year-old girl with this question, “Is there any love in an artificial heart?” Love is elusive; yet, we long for it.

How would you define love? Most everyone knows it is real, but who can really describe it?

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” - 1 John 3:16

I can’t define love, but God’s Word sure can. The Bible says, “Love is patient and kind, not envious, selfish, or arrogant. Love doesn’t keep records when people let us down or do us wrong. Love forgives. Love is happy for others’ successes. Love is very optimistic. Love bears all things; it believes in others and what they can be, thus putting up with a lot. Love hopes for the best in others. True love never gives up; it just keeps on keeping on; it means a commitment to love a person whether they love us or not.

Is love found in an artificial heart? I’m afraid not, but love can be found in an old heart made new by the power of the Great Physician, Jesus Christ.

NOISE

Have you ever noticed how noise fills our lives? We wake to music or alarms. We get in the car and what’s the first thing we do—flip in a tape, CD, or turn on the radio. When we walk in the house or a hotel room, the first thing we do is turn on the TV. It seems that, with noise, we just don’t feel so alone.

"Give ear and hear my voice, listen and hear my words.” - Isaiah 28:23

In the midst of all of this noise, are you missing the most important voice of all?

God still speaks in a still, small voice. In the busyness and noisiness of our lives, it’s easy to miss Him. The only way to hear Him is to make an intentional effort to quiet the noise of our life and spend some time listening, through prayer and reading His Word. You will never get a more important phone call or crucial message.

Find some time each day to be alone and quiet, and listen to the most important voice of all. It will enrich your life tremendously.

FINAL DESTINATION

If you knew the time and place of your death, What would you do? Would you be ready for it or run from it trying to cheat it. In the movie Final Destination it is based on premonitions of future events that will lead to the demise of the actors. If death is cheated it will come back in the pattern/order to retrieved it victims.

I believe in God’s design and He does have an plan for each of us. We have choices to make in the process, from good to bad decisions, to accepting or not accepting Christ as Lord and Savior.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

Thru salvation we have the promise of eternal life with our Father who is in Heaven. The promise is great in eternal life, but living it for Jesus is even better. Don’t wait till you get to heaven for your rewards, but accepted them and use them while you are here on earth. Some Christians go around in life defeated by the daily grind and waiting for the reward in heaven. I tell you they are cheating themselves and others. So live life with a smile in your heart and on your face and show that Jesus is your Lord.

I will cheat death, by living my life for Jesus Christ.

What will your Final Destination be?

GOD'S WAITING ROOM

Those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31

God wants us, in His waiting room. But there is something actually going on while we wait. God does not put us in the waiting room to punish us or to show us who's boss. He puts us in waiting for a reason; it is for our benefit. The verse, "those who wait upon the Lord," does not actually mean to sit and just wait for His timing. The word "wait" is translated in the Bible from the word "qavah," which has two facets to its meaning. It means to wait, as in anticipation, but it also means to tie or bind together (like a cord or rope being woven together from several strands ready for future use). The rope gets its strength from the multiple stands drawing upon each other. In the verse, "Those who wait upon the Lord..." can be understood as "those who are patient and bound together with the Lord can anticipate a renewing of their strength.

Instead of just reading those magazines in the waiting room, try binding yourself together with the Lord for future use. Not only might He answer the prayer that you've been waiting for, He might also strengthen you for a future use beyond any of your own personal capabilities. The reason we are waiting for His answer is so that He may also work on us in the mean time.

After you've renewed your strength it will be time to use it. You will be transformed and be able "mount up on eagles wings;" you will be able to "run and not get tired..."

Peace in the Storm

A contest offered a valuable prize for the best illustration of the concept of peace. Many artists entered. There were renderings of beautiful sunsets over calm seas and hazy scenes of tranquil rivers in lush valleys. The prizewinner's depiction was very different from these tranquil scenes. Painted in black and gray, it depicted the terror of a violent storm. Lightning split the clouds; rain and hail pounded the ground. In the center of the painting was a storm-tossed oak tree. Holding on with all its might to one of the limbs of the tree was a little bird, singing at the top of its lungs. That's true peace.

"For You have been a defense for the helpless, A defense for the needy in his distress, A refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat; For the breath of the ruthless Is like a rain storm against a wall." - Isaiah 25:4

You see, ultimate peace is not the absence of storms, but inner peace amidst storms. And man never finds lasting inner peace until he finds peace with God. When you find peace with God, you begin to experience peace within.

Have you found that peace? I hope that you will.

It begins with knowing Christ as Lord.

The Rest of the Story

My favorite parable is the story of the prodigal son. There's that wonderful scene when the wayward son finally comes to his senses and begins to walk home. And what does that father do? He runs and embraces him and there's joy and celebration.

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate." -Luke 15:22-24

I know that's a picture of redemption. I know Jesus is talking to us about what it's like to come home when we confess our sins, and finally come back to the Lord. I know that's the point. I also see it's a beautiful picture of finally coming home to heaven, after the weariness and demands of this very difficult life and world. Then when we finally come home to heaven, our Heavenly Father is there. And He runs to embrace us! And He's full of joy! He's got those tears in His eyes, as only a Father can have when His son comes home! And the celebration begins, and it never, ever ends! Because heaven will be like coming home. It's like home is supposed to be.

When your days in this life are done, will you be able to go home?

WHO IS JESUS CHRIST?

The Messiah... The Prince of Peace… The Word made man… Savior and Lord… The King of Kings… The Lion of Judah…

The Lamb of God

When Christians answer the question "Who is Jesus Christ?" they build their answer on the Bible – on things He said about Himself, on prophecies from the Old Testament that foretold His coming, and the doctrines laid out about Jesus Christ and His Church through the rest of the New Testament.

There is little doubt historically that Jesus existed, but people do often wonder about His divine nature, His miracles, and God’s offer of eternal salvation by grace through Christ "first to the Jew and also to the Gentile" (Romans 1:16)… in other words, to all mankind who would believe.

The gospel of Jesus is literally "good news," so I hope you enjoy exploring the miracle and wonder of what the God of all creation did for you through His Son.

"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

You see, finding the answer can be jarring and life-altering. It can also fill what has seemed to be missing inside you, since the Father sent His Son to reconcile you to your original purpose – communion with a wonderful, holy Creator. So as you pursue knowledge of the Savior, consider yourself joyfully warned.

Keep Reading about Jesus Christ!

THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS A LIFE OF PURPOSE WITH GOD

Here’s a truth that sheds new light on each one-day span—you and I have no guarantee on the length of our lives. No, all we have is our one day—today. Therefore we must seek to live each one-day time allotment with the future and a purpose in mind.

• What is God’s plan and purpose for my life?
• In the end, what do I want to accomplish in my life?
• How do I want my life to contribute to others?
• What do I want to leave behind?

Our time on earth definitely has its joys. But it also has its trials and sorrows. But no matter how hard or tiring our work on earth becomes, it is invigorating when we realize that at life’s end, we will enjoy the presence of the Lord forever. We will enjoy the best life forever!

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

We were created by God and for God. Therefore we should be growing in the Lord each day. This ensures us of a better life and helps us accomplish several more of God’s purposes for us---

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:29

Not a day is to be taken for granted. Not a day is to be wasted or frittered away. And every day is meant to count. What is it that makes a day count, and makes it count for a better life?

THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS A LIFE OF PURPOSE WITH GOD!

CHEATING DEATH

Peter Marshall used to tell the legend of the merchant of Baghdad who sent his servant to the market in the ancient Middle Eastern city. The servant returned, pale and trembling, and the merchant asked him what was wrong. The servant told him he bumped into someone, looked up, and saw Death in a dark hooded robe pointing at him. He asked the merchant, “Please let me borrow your horse so I can flee to Samara where he can’t find me.”

The merchant agreed. Later that day, the merchant went to the crowded market and saw Death standing to the side, and he asked, “Why did you frighten my servant?”
Death responded, “I was only shocked to see him in Baghdad, for tonight I have an appointment with him in Samara.”

"What man can live and not see death?" - Psalm 89:48

We all have a rendezvous with death. For every life, there is death. The statistics on death are 100%. But the fear of death is removed by receiving the promise of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. With faith, we can concentrate on living this life to the fullest.

We all have a rendezvous with death. Are you ready?

ARE YOU SPIRITUAL

It is so trendy to practice smorgasbord religion - a little dose of Jesus, a little pinch of Buddha, a little Mohammed here and a little New Age thought there. It makes you sound so "with it"...so spiritual.

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world." - 1 John 4:1

But it is fundamentally dishonest. It is an insult to each religion, for it is like spiritual looting. It is a classic refashioning of God into your own chic image. And it is a reminder of the many intellectual airheads today. Make a decision for crying out loud! But don't be a phony for every faith. They don't say the same thing. They don't believe the same things. Make a decision about Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, or whomever, don't insult them all with this airhead pseudo-sophisticated practice of smorgasbord religion.

Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, the Life. No one comes to the Father but through me." Either He lied or was terribly insane - or is who He said He is. This is in direct conflict with every other religion. With Him, it's all or nothing. I believe He is the truth about God.

MUSIC TO HIM

Charles Spurgeon was probably the most famous Baptist preacher of all time. He preached in Great Britain to about four or five thousand people every Sunday. Spurgeon read alot of John Calvin and was so influenced by him that he didn't allow any instruments in his worship services.

"Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy." - Psalm 33:2-3

I know they were wrong because throughout the Old Testament it talks about the use of musical instruments as a way of praising and singing our praises to God.

Everyone has their own personal preference for styles of worship music. Some people like the orchestra, some people like the band, some just like a guitar and drums. Many people only enjoy songs written before 1887, some love the majesty of a grand pipe organ, and some are just riveted by music with a pounding bass beat. But here is the bottom line on praise and worship:

Music is centered on Christ and is grounded in the Word.

9/11

Certainly, God is not pleased with any evil that they might do; however, the Lord wants us to have a heart of mercy like His, even for those who oppose us. He does not want us to have the evil characteristics of hate, unforgiveness, anger, etc.

Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice,

or the LORD will see and disapprove
and turn his wrath away from him. Proverbs 24:17-18

God loves every sinner, although He hates the sin they engage in. He is also kind to the just and the unjust, as He desires all men to come to repentance.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you

Matt 5:44

The scriptures above show us the attitude we are to have toward our enemies. We are to love our enemies and we are to bless them, not curse them. It shows a wicked heart when someone gloats over their enemy's misfortune. It should make us sad when we see any kind of misfortune happen to anyone.

Fill me with the Holy Spirit so that I can love others the way You love them. Lord, I choose to forgive all who have something against me.

OASIS IN THE DESERT

If you've ever traveled through the desert, you'll notice that it's mile after mile of dry and barren landscape. Then suddenly, there's a spot of green, some trees, bushes, and flowering plants. It always means there's some kind of water source nearby. With water, the desert blossoms and comes to life.

"but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of water springing up unto eternal life." - John 4: 14

The same is true in our lives. Without God, we tend to dry up when life gets hard. It saps us of all our energy, creativity and drive. We eventually feel beaten down, worn out, and dried up. But Jesus says, "I am living water; anyone who accepts me will never be thirsty again." He wasn't talking about physical thirst. He was talking about satisfying our spiritual thirst so we can blossom and come to life.

What about it? Do you sometimes feel like a dry, dusty shrub in a desert of emptiness?

Come to Christ and receive the Living Everlasting Water!

WHAT KIND OF SHADOW DO YOU CAST?

In the early days of the church, the Bible tells us that the apostle, Peter, had become such an influential, powerful man of God, that people would bring the sick on pallets and cots in the streets where he might pass by, hoping his shadow would fall over them and, hopefully, they would be healed. Such was the aura of greatness around that man.

“I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand, to establish the heavens, to found the earth, and to say to Zion, ‘You are My people.’” - Isaiah 51:16

Our shadow goes with us wherever we go, never falling on us, but on someone else. We’re rarely aware of where it falls. We all influence someone—parents influence kids, coaches influence players, teachers influence students.

What kind of shadow do you cast?

Is it for good, or for evil?

To build up, or tear down?

To encourage, or discourage?

To help, or to hurt?

Does it point people to God, or just to yourself?

As you think about the life that you live, think about the legacy you want to leave. What kind of shadow do you cast?